[For Michael: the sun, the sea, everything to me]

The grave neat in the dirt
Dug out by my own soiled hands
Is where I lay myself down.

She is a girl-child to me now
The earth has swallowed a part of her.
So unsure, my sweet girl. I loved you deeply.
(It hurt, didn’t it? Not the blood, the betrayal)
She can’t speak aloud what is buried forever

I leave roses

Don’t let them take my kindness
I pray in the night
“If you are afraid it is lost, you still have it”
Then what am I missing?
I know I’m not whole.

I am numb,
I am invincible,
I paint my nails black
and mourn.

He lost his gentleness
And I? No one can tell me yet what is gone.

I’m told to sleep. Sleep. You must sleep.

I am afraid
I am so afraid of who will claw out from this tomb.

A virgin without sin.
She is the one waiting to emerge.
Wearing nails
painted white
I will be pure.

First, we must mourn,
then we must wait.
We have to wait.

Please believe in my love for you.
I hold it close and tight.
The only thing I am certain
was carried and kept,
not left in the grave.

I hold you close.
So, I will not lose all that you love and see.

You are the one who will know what we are mourning.

I hope I am still beautiful.
I know I’m not the same.