I used to be kinda funny. Apologies for the gruelling mental heart to hearts. It got way too ‘feels’ on here. Your girl only lives in the extremes. Hi!

Happy birthday to my twin flame

Do not groan. I am fucking psychic and will cite examples later. Chill bro. What is a twin flame? I will go with this definition “divine union with a divine purpose”. Spoiler- the divine purpose is your spiritual growth. No pain no gain.

To my Twinnie:

Til I die I will know your birthday. Til I die I will have your name tattoo’d to my body. No matter what anyone says, I don’t regret it and I don’t want to get rid of it. I can’t get rid you you. Happy Birthday my love. Please be less of a fucking cunt.

The tattoo thing is a funny story, I was nineteen when I had the relationship preemptively commemorated because when you love like that, well, it’s always going to be formative even if it doesn’t last, but boy, fuck did I think we were going to make it even if I knew it wasn’t realistic. 4eva the optimist. To add extra humour to my anecdote, I had his name (first and last- thank you and of course) done on Valentine’s Day, that was a coincidence but it makes me look dumber than I am.

I saw my twin flame a few days ago after over a month of not speaking. He looked pretty bad. Bloated from drink, missing a tooth (knocked out in a fight) don’t even feel bad for him he sees it as an opportunity to get a gold one. What a fresh grill. Dumbass. I have vetoed this but my opinion no longer matters in regards to his personal appearance. I did my work. You’re welcome. You are the most preppy looking hood rat I know. He irons creases in his chinos. I didn’t teach him that, I mean I taught him how to iron the crease but the idea is definitely not on me. God, if you only had the same discipline over your mental and physical health as you do over your vanity then maybe you would stop asking me for money. That was nasty; I’m sorry and not judgey…I live by the principle ‘the worse you feel the better you fucking better look’. Okay Twinnie, I give you a pass. But no, I’m not going to spot you a twenty.

Twin flames are bound to each other to teach one another, they separate and reunite. There are a lot of theories. Google.

Today, I spoke with a friend of mine about need. She has recently exited a relationship and she can’t figure out why she woke up thinking that her ex is ‘under her skin’ (her words not mine). Logically the breakup ticked all the boxes, there was no intense feeling of being heartbroken, it was a civilized termination under circumstances that were understandable. She is experienced with important relationships ending and life moving forward yet there she was experiencing this sensation. I relate. Having someone under your skin, well it takes away from you. I said to her (because I have objective sight, too bad objective sight doesn’t reflect back to you in a mirror) ‘you need something from her, otherwise you wouldn’t yearn’. And she said ‘I need her forgiveness’. My fav (sarcasm). It was really just an opportune moment cause I had just passed level one of my forgiveness lesson.

So Twinnie, we are currently in a phase of separation because I am learning that I don’t need you. Forgiving you is old hat, you already taught me that. Not needing you is scary because it is new but it is a new path of growth. The ‘truth’ and I mean that in the asshole ‘higher truth of the universe’ way is finding what we need. But our needs can never be sought in another person. Double edged sword. Of course, every fucking thing has to be in this world.

I fell off my benzo wagon cause I was fucking lonely. My shit cunt twin flame disappeared off the planet and was too deep in his own hurt to look after me or listen to me or help me figure out the world. I am attached to particular men in my life that help me figure out the world. It is my need.

Stay tuned dear reader. The winds are changing. Now I have to figure out how to actuate this. Dear bf if you are reading this. We need to break up. Again. And like maybe rn. Fuck, I am so sorry I left you on the internet before telling you first in person and you wont find out til you stalk my blog that this is when I knew because I shut you out of my inner thoughts weeks ago.

Mmm I am just as interested to see how this one turns out as you guyZ.

Fuck.

xx SJ