I am not afraid to be crazy. I think it is what makes me sane. Sometimes I think that I’m being over sympathetic to myself. There is an expression here that translates to “don’t favour your disease”. If you’re sick you must persevere. You can’t baby illness. It’s in your head. It’s the opposite of hypochondria and the cheaper alternative. Health is wealth cause illness will cost coin. Praise be to first world health care. seriously guyZ be grateful.

I didn’t know that high-level anxiety wasn’t normal. I always put it down to my waters. I’m still not convinced that I’m not psychic which is a strong case to throw me in the asylum. Do you ever feel this feeling of impending doom? It sits in my solar plexus. It makes me want to hurl. It’s different to generalized anxiety. I think that’s fine. Being nervous for a reason is fine and I’m pretty in tune with myself. Look how reflective my blog is. Obvs mobb deep. There’s a lot to be said about intuition. Mainly, don’t fuck with it.

I checked out of living in March. I was functioning. Which I don’t want points for. It’s not good. Things got bad in the sense that I didn’t know how to relate to myself anymore. It was a surreal experience. I know that for the people around me they were just looking at me not working like it was the end of the world. I made a decision that I didn’t want my lack of career to define me. And that I was sick of looking at my life like it was something I hated only mildly abated by the mountains of expensive clothing around me. Fuck laundry. Being a sales girl was not my passion. It’s something that I could do easily. Something I continued to do cause it was inherently easy. People that find passion/career jobs, I wont call you lucky, cause I know how fucking hard you work and that the passion that drives you also makes you sensitive to being jaded cause you actually care but you keep at it. I respect that. I’m not expecting to be in a passion/career job but I wont work somewhere that I hate for enough money that it feels like I’m trading my soul. I learned the most about what made me happy when I wasn’t working. But I fucking need a job. Dear internet. Please employ me.