Today, my phone went black. It’s hotter than the surface of a thousand burning suns and won’t turn on. It’s been having tantrums these last few days, probably warning me of its intention to quit. You always see the red flags Little Heroine. Swim between them. Talk about a digital cleanse. I’ve been lying to […]

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How many rosaries does it take to clean a soul? This is not a blonde joke. Please God, tell me. It’s been 10 days. I don’t think I came with any grand expectations. I just really wanted to be able to write. This year, I have refused all New Year’s resolutions because I cannot even […]

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Last night, I went to a family reunion dressed in red. We roll six-generations deep. So that’s the bloodline starting from my grandfather’s grandfather. I’m gen 5 which is the inferior iphone and the superior internet. The turn out was pretty good, maybe not in relation to how big it should have been given the […]

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I’m still thinking about New Year. I assign all this cathartic meaning to this day that I think can cleanse me. Duh, it’s probably the Catholicism. What is the resurrection? I have low grade anxiety humming beneath my skin, this is something new here. I’m trying to ride the wave by immersing myself in religion. […]

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Hello dear readership, we are back in the tropics. I was delivered to my grandmother’s door on Christmas day at 5am. I chose the word “deliver” because  I don’t feel I’ve arrived. This has been the first Christmas we have spent together in over 10 years. I don’t know why it was decided last time […]

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The phone alarm announces itself rudely again at 6am. Not even minutes are spared before I begin the day with a weight in my stomach. I have spent all night on my phone, eyes demonised by the blue light, delicate red spider webs tracing a map of restless dreams and not enough sleep in the […]

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My last post was June. Muy bad. True confession- I can’t publish what I write. It was all a bit too scathing, even for me. I wrote a piece about how I hate my Twin Flame, titled “Letter to the Dead”. Festive. I wish I had the guts to post it to him but I […]

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Where is the safety I seek? Here on paper. By myself, within myself. I’m losing my shit. I’m so fragile I think I might break. Is it always about surviving? MB says no. Life is too beautiful and the future so undefined that it’s not about surviving the day to day, there is more. I […]

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Hello my love, I apologise for my neglect. Of course, there has been emotional turmoil. After all, it is me. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m so tired, my nightmares are back. And I’m finding it difficult to find a space to be. I feel isolated but not lonely, I can’t reach […]

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Two years and I think that the wound has become a scar. Yesterday was the second year death anniversary of my dead friend. It wasn’t bad. I stood there and it felt ok, like I had made peace with it. The dead have the easiest job.  I sat there smoking a cigarette with him thinking, […]

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