Instalment XVIII – Wherein our little heroine believes in miracles

Tales from the Tropics

October is the month the city celebrates Fiesta Pilar. Cue wiki (again) the festival is held in honour of the miraculous image of Our Lady of Pilar. Patron saint to the city. For those with no religious reference. It’s the Virgin Mary (Jesus’ mother, come on, I know you guys know that one) but specific to the time she appeared in Zaragoza, Spain as the Lady of Pilar. I actually can’t answer why Catholics pray to a specific version of the Virgin Mary even though it’s the same. More power? More miraculous? Dear God, I am not mocking you. Please don’t smite me.

The story goes that the Lady of Pilar saved the city from a tsunami, a million years ago. Local fisherman saw her appear on the beach and again miracle! The tsunami missed the city and when the danger was over and the people returned to the beach they found her footsteps on the shore.

The image of the virgin sits atop a former marine Fort built by the Spanish to protect the city from invasion. History lesson over. A+.

Today is her feast day which in Catholic terms is the official celebration, there’s mass and mass food. There is however no mobile phone service (they say cellphone here and I hate it). I know, it’s actually a fucking joke. But alas I am resourceful and we have both wifi and cable modem internet in the house. Hey now, you can’t escape my astute observations on life. We’re committed babe.

Don’t be alarmed for my safety! There has yet to be a bombing during Fiesta Pilar because even the Muslims know not to fuck with the Miraculous Lady. But as a precaution the local government cuts mobile phone services for anywhere between 6 and 12-hour blocks to prevent terrorist attacks. Is it illegal to make bomb jokes on the Internet like it is in an airport? Like I’m so special I’m on a watch list. It’s just insane like why are you taking away the ability for people to call emergency services? Can you imagine ISIS being like ‘Yo, txt you when this party is getting blown up G’.

Terrorism makes white people uncomfortable; look at the Americans they totally freaked. There has always been religious squabbles here. The Muslims have been seeking an autonomous state since forever. Apparently it’s a bit more of a problem these days because ISIS is radicalising the local Muslim factions and arming them the fuck up. Religion is not the opiate of the masses, hunger is. A hungry man is going to Jihad your ass. I think that people here are just so desensitised to the idea of bombings and death that they pass it off as regular. ‘ if you are meant to die you are meant to die’ all well and good but I really don’t want to be maimed. The security guards certainly don’t seem to really be on high alert when they check your car for bombs. Also how unsophisticated is terrorism that they are still strapping bombs to the bottom of cars like your little mirror on a stick is gonna find that one out brah. Just lemme know if my oil is leaking ledge. Cheers.

I am not one for fucking history lessons. I think this cultural shit is interesting cause it’s my culture but explaining it is not my vibe. Historical writing. Not my vibe. I was just thinking about how this experiment in writing is shaping into a tropical version of eat, pray, love. Except I didn’t really watch the movie Julia cause obviously I watched it with one of my girlfriends and we were shitfaced on red wine and bad boyfriend vibes. I’ve eaten. I’ve prayed. Will our little heroine find love? Omg, of course not. I don’t fuck Asians and the city is red zone- I am banned from the light-eyed blondes, 5’10 and over. Omg, will I become a born again virgin? (Truly the Lady of Pilar must be miraculous). Quick! Send love disaster I think I’m developing a sense of self. Fucking nailing this emotionally curing myself shit.

xx SJ

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