The phone alarm announces itself rudely again at 6am. Not even minutes are spared before I begin the day with a weight in my stomach. I have spent all night on my phone, eyes demonised by the blue light, delicate red spider webs tracing a map of restless dreams and not enough sleep in the […]

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Where is the safety I seek? Here on paper. By myself, within myself. I’m losing my shit. I’m so fragile I think I might break. Is it always about surviving? MB says no. Life is too beautiful and the future so undefined that it’s not about surviving the day to day, there is more. I […]

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Hello my love, I apologise for my neglect. Of course, there has been emotional turmoil. After all, it is me. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m so tired, my nightmares are back. And I’m finding it difficult to find a space to be. I feel isolated but not lonely, I can’t reach […]

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Two years and I think that the wound has become a scar. Yesterday was the second year death anniversary of my dead friend. It wasn’t bad. I stood there and it felt ok, like I had made peace with it. The dead have the easiest job.  I sat there smoking a cigarette with him thinking, […]

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Hi internet, thought I’d check in. I haven’t done much. I keep wanting to write but I don’t have any thoughts that are cohesive. It could be the alcohol flooding my brain. Today is the 1st of February. I haven’t been sober since the 3rd of January for more than 4 days. It is a […]

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Just when I thought 2019 was gonna cut me a break and leave me alone in heart ache.  My father (biological) is currently in a hospital in the third world. Gun shot wound. It sounds dramatic. If I can tell you one thing… the cunt doesn’t die. He really doesn’t. Life is not done with […]

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