Sometimes I have out-of-body experiences where I scream what the fuck is wrong with you. It could also be my conscience. I’m not sure. That particular voice in my head does not feature as much as the others that say “Fuck it. Seems fun”. Shh! The demons are talking. Hello SJ, you fucked up. The […]

Astrology, our favourite pseudo-science, tells me because of luminous gas held together by self-gravity, I need to reflect on the period in my life from 2013-2016. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t a great run. Come to think of it, I don’t think it usually is a great run. SJ, what is the common denominator? 2013 is […]

I was raised Catholic. My grandmother, orphaned at ten years old grew up in a convent until her Great Aunt took her in while she recovered from some tropical and now-deceased childhood affliction Her elder sister remained at the convent with the gentle nuns and joined the cloister. What a different story our family history […]

Six years. Today, at your grave I left you roses of different colours. Yellows, pinks, oranges and reds. And it felt right. I cried from a dark place in my soul and asked your forgiveness from a place deep in my heart. For what? I don’t know. I knew for the first time and was […]

HI. I think it is coming together. I am sitting and I am writing and that is the first sign of tangible recovery. My god, will you have to listen to the endless droll of a self-pitying drug addict? Never.  I don’t identify with being an addict which is strange because it is generally accepted […]

Here is a copy and paste of words I wrote on Friday 25th of March. I looked at my blog and realise I have not been able to commit words to you, my dear readership, since January 1st 2022. BAD. There are reasons. Coke addiction. That was … boring. And still is. While we are […]

It’s New Year’s Eve and my plan is to spend it alone. Or with my best friends, any work of written fiction or non fiction by an author I admire. If this is the date that we write a summation of the year then I am fucked. Jupiter is in Pisces and for the next […]

There is a distinct fear and anxiety I face each morning when I hit the page. This is my equivalent of exercise anxiety. A underwright instagram influencer once posted a slide saying ‘the only workout you regret is the one you don’t do’ and it was effective in motivating me through anxiety and not inspiration. […]

Turns out Daddy is coughing up presents. Ask and ye shall receive. It sure feels like being bought. The judicious side of me, the one that excuses responsibility tells me it’s ok to let him have joy by giving me whatever my little greedy heart desires. It’s also incredibly familiar like the times he would […]

I have dinner with my father this evening. He requested another seat at the table. If he brings a woman I don’t know if i will walk out. I wake up now, everyday, with a breathless anxiety of fear. And the only thing that will abate it is this. Writing my thoughts to no one. […]